Exercise is brilliant. We love it and all the great things it can do for our minds and bodies. But sometimes, it’s good to laugh at the funny side of things too. Here are five very tongue-in-cheek things we wish weren’t true about working out!
1. We don’t want to wear any shoes other than trainers
Slipping your feet into a pair of good trainers is bliss. Straight away your whole body feels bouncy and your feet think they’re walking on soft, cushiony clouds. You spring up flights of stairs like a young gazelle and are happy to go the long way around – almost anywhere. By comparison, putting your regular shoes back on is hideous. Even comfortable shoes can pinch and constrict by comparison, and high heels are pure podiatric torture. Are you slowly but surely incorporating trainers into all your smart outfits? Classic trainer mindset.
2. Our trainers smell bad (very, very bad)
Unfortunately, this is the main side effect of classic trainer mindset. If you never want to take them off, they’re going to start honking! The heady combination of synthetic fabric, rubber and a little foot heat can generate odours the likes of which astound us. De-ponging fixes include dry tea bags, baking soda and the occasional overnight visit to the freezer (inside a plastic bag), but the best bet is to keep your favourite pair on rotation.
3. Our hair looks like a damp bird’s nest
Something else we can thank exercise for is that unappealing matted-but-stringy look our hair takes on once we get a little sweaty. This effect shows no favouritism: long or short hair, man or woman, we’re all equally at risk of the bird’s-nest hairdo! There’s a strong temptation to shampoo after every workout but that can result in another unattractive post-exercise look: the over-washed straw ’do. Sweatbands and a spritz of dry shampoo can be our best friends here.
4. We chafe in awkward places
There’s no arguing that increased fitness has many benefits – a few months of healthy exercise will have you feeling fantastic. However, there is a rub…literally! The friction produced by fabric and damp skin coming together at high speed can result in red, blotchy patches of irritation - in all sorts of places. Different parts of the body require different solutions: there are specially formulated anti-chafe products, but a slick of Vaseline or lip balm may work just as well for armpits and around underwear lines. The plaster-over-the-nipple trick is popular with runners, and some ladies also like to turn their bras inside out, so the seams face away from the skin. Too late for preventative measures? Nappy rash cream can be very soothing for grown-up skin too.
5. We look like glowing beetroots
This is one we might just have to own, proudly. That post-workout glow is our body’s natural reaction to an intense bit of exercise. Working out in cooler environments, taking cold showers afterwards and drinking plenty of cool water all help, but a rosy face is proof you just got a big oxygen boost and gave it your all, so it’s nothing to hide. Besides, red is a colour that suits everyone, right?
Have you got anything else to add to our list? Please leave your own pet hates about exercise in the comments section below…